NAKED ANXIETY: B.S.S.!!

Yes, I said BSS!!! BEING SINGLE SUCKS! There is really no other way of putting it. What has brought me to that sudden conclusion, you may be asking?? In the past week or so, I've really listened to the agony and pain, not only from myself, but my best girlfriends. Now, when I say being single sucks, I mean, being single, dating and even some relationships that are far from marriage...

For me and my friends, the general theme is the game playing and BS we all seem to endure, deal with and sometimes even perpetuate. Why, oh why is this so much a part of dating rituals. The only conclusion I've come to is, I simply do not know!
The quest for finding our life partner is one that seems to center most adult lives. We go through the pain of beautification, then determination, and finally rejection. I sometimes wonder, being part of the now, 30-something, single crowd, that we have unrealistic expectations... Being a woman that is part of what I like to call the "Sex in the City" generation, we have an idea of what relationships should look like. Now, I am starting to see, we may have a twisted view of "happily ever after."

Does happily ever after really exist?? For one friend, I'll call her Miss A - her now live in boyfriend has issues with growing up and being an adult. He expects her to do all of the work while he reaps the rewards of a home cooked dinner each night, someone to do his laundry, pay the bills and of course the ever important twice weekly orgasm's. Now, my other girlfriend, we'll call her Miss B - her soon to be ex-husband is also selfish but in a very different way. He wants someone "safe" he knows will take care of him when he wants. Period. He wants to put in the effort when it suits him, which incidentally is in between his party nights, one night stand nights, drunken fest nights, and porn self gratification time. SO, Girlfriend we'll refer to as Miss C. She has just broken off a deal with a guy who seems to follow his pecker to other pastures when it suits him. He has zero idea what fidelity and honesty and faithfulness is, but incidentally doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior. What he and the other three have in common is, he feels this is in no way his fault or accepts any responsibility. Now, for myself?? Can I just say if there is a jerk who wants to use, abuse and lie - I'm your woman! Seriously, my last few have all had the same issues... "I like you! You are cool chick, but..." syndrome seems to have plagued them all. For some of them, they have too many ex-wives, lied about other girlfriends, or seem to just not know what they want. All the while, I'm left again with a shattered heart and less self-esteem then when I initially started the relationship.

One thing my girlfriends and I all have in common?? We are beautiful, smart, sexy, caring women. So, here we all are with the average age of 30, single and unhappy. Is it karma, just not meant to be, or are we all looking in the same loony-bin of guys?? Some of us have resorted to habitually starting relationships with men we know aren't available for whatever reason... Point and case, myself! I seem to CHOSE men who are in other relationships, long distance, etc... SO, it has now come to my attention, perhaps I am also afraid of intimacy. Then I realize all my friend are... Perhaps we've all been hurt, so it can easier to be with someone you expect nothing from. Maybe we just don't want to get our hopes up. OR maybe it's because all the guys that seem to give a damn really are just great actors and willing to play mind games with someone.
The "marrieds" as I like to call them all keep saying, "Oh enjoy your single time!" They seem to think I live this footloose and fancy free lifestyle of a sports publicist. You know, exciting travel, the ability to flirt with any man who suits me at the time, and of course the ability to do whatever the hell I want. BUT, have they long forgot how hard and painful dating can be?? I see what they have and almost puke from envy and jealousy, that they have found something I crave. Then I have to stop and wonder what exactly am I craving?? Stability?? Love?? Family?? I guess until I decide that, I'm really fighting an uphill battle.

SO, this has all seemed like a "men bashing" session. But I can say it isn't at all. I know some terrific guys and even some of my mixed up "ex's" aren't all that bad. Perhaps just as confused as I am. I can also say I've seen some of my better gal pal's play some serious game too. SO, in conclusion, all I can say is being single sucks!

Stripped down, exposed and real...
~N/A